A Matter of Laughable Circumstances (Dead Fic)
by MOTHERFU
Summary: A rewrite of my first fic. Basically, Izuku got tired of Bakugou's BS and got his quirk with it. He also goes to a European school instead of UA because of Clowns.
1. Chapter 1

**Be the Suicidal Guy:**

* * *

Well you had a nice life. Okay, maybe you were lying about having a nice life. It's shit. It's been five years since the doctor told you that you're quirkless and also five years since your best friend turned bully made your life hell. You'd give it a negative ten out of ten. Ironic since you're ten years old. You're a fifth grader about to jump off a building because you can't take it anymore. People might call you a coward but they've never been in your position before. To have their lives and dreams taken away from them. You'd thank your dad for being there for you but he never was. He doesn't even go home and visit. Your name is Izuku Midoriya and you're about to jump off.

"Good thing you're havin' a motherfuckin' inside speech, am I right, bruh?"

"W-What?"

"Yo." There's a guy there about your age but taller than you. He got a brown curly hair and purple eyes. For some reason he has a black and white clown make up on him. He's wearing the school uniform though he's clearly uncomfortable from here. Other than that, he spoke to you in a broken Japanese that your brain automatically fixes. "W-Who are you?"

"Carlos Curdo. Who're you?"

"Izuku Midoriya. Why are you up here?"

"Eh, I'm pretty new here. Principal told me to go find a student to show me around but whoop de doo, looks like you're the only one left here in school. Ya mind showin' me around?" Is this guy for real? Does he even have a clue what you're really up to?

"Carlos, why are you really up here?"

"Why are you behind the railings lookin' like ya'll about to jump?"

"U-uh."

"I ain't the type of person that could probably talk you out of this shit but really bruh. Why you gonna do me like that? My first day and somebody already killed themselves?"

"Y-You don't even know what it's like. I… I'm quirkless. Everyone I've ever known turned against me the moment they knew that I was quirkless. You can't possibly know how this FUCKING feels."

"I don't but you give to much fucks to the people talkin' you down. What do you wanna be when ya grow up?"

"I wanted to be a hero. Everybody else just laughed at me for that. Is it bad to dream?"

"Nah. Nothing bad about dreamin' and shit. You might wanna get over that railing so we could talk for a bit."

"I already made up my mind." You hissed back at him. This clown's trying to stall you. Maybe he's trying to embarrass you. Make them think that you're too much of a coward to kill yourself. You'll show him. "Dude, stop with the inner monologue. Jeez. You gave me enough time to walk over right behind you."

That sudden loudness of the voice shocked you enough to misstep. You were about to fall until he grabbed you. You were facing down and at that moment, you're afraid to die. You wanted to live. "PUT ME UP! PUT ME UP!"

"Ya sure? I mean, I could just." He lets go of you and you let out a shriek but you felt a tug again from your shirt's collar. "I would have preferred if you just convinced me, you know." You said as he pulled you over the railing. You sat down in relief that you did your inner monologue.

"Nah. Fear's a pretty negotiator." And he's right about that. You hate yourself for letting fear control you all your life. "You're right about that. You wanted to talk right? What could this quirkless piece of shit do for you?"

"Ya'll a piece of shit alright but ya shouldn't be taking shit." You don't know if he's high or not. "Are you high or is that how you normally talk?"

"Yes." Alright. More vague shit coming from this guy. "Can you be less vague?"

"We're not friends. Yet."

"Why would you be friend with me?"

"Don't tell me what to motherfuckin' do friend. Tell me why the fuck people talk shit about you wanting to be a hero?"

"I already told you! I'm quirkless. I'm powerless. I would never amount to anything." Maybe ocular water turbos are you quirk because you're crying a literal river right now. "And did you tell yourself that or did other motherfuckers tell you that? Their opinions don't matter."

"I'm weak."

"You're right about that." This guy. "Whatever happened to the encouragement parts?"

"Ya think power is just handed down to you by some mysterious powers and genetics?"

"Yes." The guy flinched by how correct my answer was. "Not my point. The thing is, you really should stop taking shit from other people. You're quirkless and powerless but we can remove one of that."

"How are you gonna give me a quirk?"

"Not a quirk. I meant some training. You think heroes are all about quirks, don't cha?"

"That's what Kacchan told me."

"Kacchan?"

"Best friend turned worst bully."

"I'll deal with him some time later. Right now, I'm gonna kick the pussyness out of your ass. You're a weak piece of shit but you never tried."

"But I already did try. I tried breathing fire. I tried attracting objects. I can't do ANYTHING RIGHT!"

"You're looking at it on the wrong angle. Don't do what you can't motherfuckin' do, Izubro. Heh, maybe I should call you that. Do what you CAN motherfuckin' do?"

"WHAT CAN I DO?!" You snapped at him. It's the first time you've been really pissed at something though he remains unfazed. "Well, fight back."

"W-what? I can't hurt Kacchan."

"Your bully. You're telling me, you want to be a hero, that doesn't fight back. Are you motherfuckin' kiddin' me, Izubro? How can you be a hero if ya can't defend yourself? Fuck's sake." He pinches the bridge of his nose in irritation. He does have a point. Wait. HE DOES HAVE A POINT. "YOU HAVE A POINT! IF I CAN'T HAVE A QUIRK, I SHOULD AT LEAST LEARN HOW TO FIGHT BACK, RIGHT?"

"Now ya get it. Now show me around school tomorrow." Oh right. You gave him a nod and waved him goodbye. You were feeling happier than before. Not as happy as when you were still young but still happier than what you have been for five years. Your mom noticed it too. "Happier than usual, Izuku?"

"I met a friend. He's pretty new, he'll show me around. Best part is, he doesn't care if I'm quirkless." Your mom dropped the spoon or that thingy she's using to cook what probably looks like Katsudon. Huh, you broke her. "MY BABY BOY MADE A FRIEND!" No one heard you scream that night as your mother attacks you with hugs.

* * *

 _The next day…_

 **Be Carlos:**

* * *

"And that's the cafeteria."

"Thanks, Izubro." Good job, Carlos. You stopped someone from committing suicide and became their friend. You rarely have any friends either other than the guys from the carnival but after that incident, ya'll gotta scatter for a while. Pops' orders. "DEEEKKKKUUUUUUUU!"

"What the motherfuck?" You gave Izubro a confused look as he gestures behind you. You see a guy who looks like a very angry Pomeranian. Fuck. "STAY OUT OF MY WAY, CHUCKLEFUCK?"

"Chucklefuck? Who are you dude?"

"KATSUKI BAKUGOU AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT! Now, get out of my way. I got business with Deku."

"Deku?"

"That quirkless green haired piece of shit behind you. You should probably avoid him since he's good for nothing."

"Oh. Izubro? He's pretty cool. Couldn't give a motherfuck if he's quirkless though." Now he gave you a glare. If looks could kill, you'd probably still be alive due to your quirk. "The fuck did you just say, Chucklefuck? He's too stupid to learn that he can never be a hero. Only I can be a hero that came from this school."

"I know he can be, dude."

"He's quirkless."

"So?" The guy's losing his patience. "He's good for nothing. He should have died when I told him to." Ah great. That type of bully. You should have figured. "Nah, I wouldn't be letting ya past me." The back off signal would probably not work. You were right. His hands crackled with explosions as he lost his patience with you. No wonder Izubro is afraid of this guy. You've seen worse, though.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY OR I'LL KILL YOU!" You grabbed his hand and placed it on your neck. Everyone in the hallway's looking at you now. You're still waiting. "Well? I'm waiting. I'm not getting out of your way so why are you not killing me? There's All Might and then there's All Talk." He flinched at that. He backed away and so did his minions. "You'll pay for that."

"Good luck with that, Kacchan~"

"Fuck off, Chucklefuck. You'll pay for that." Then he walked off. Everyone went back to their business but their expressions showed you that nobody stood up at him before. "T-That's amazing, Carlos!"

"Nah, I'm used to scarier motherfuckers than him."

"Who could be scarier than Kacchan?"

"Anyone who isn't nicknamed Kacchan." And everybody in the hallway laughed while you heard someone swearing down the hallway.

* * *

 _This afternoon…_

* * *

I waved Izubro goodbye since I live nearby the school. I was walking the other way until something tugged at my collar and pulled me. Fingers guy. "You're fingers guy? Isn't it too early to make me pay?" You really want to talk your way out of this one but their not one for talking are they. There's the man of the hour, Katsuki Bakugou. "So. You're the new kid and you're friends with Deku."

"Yeah. You could say that."

"Not so brave now, huh?"

"Who the motherfuck told you I wanted to fight? Unless that's the only thing you want." After you said that, elongated fingers, and explosion guy is coming your way. You sidestepped, grabbed the elongated fingers, and snapped. He screamed in pain but it looks like the explosions guy is still charging towards you just waiting to explode you. You teleported him into your open hand and delivered a chokeslam. You teleported 10 meters off them after you did that. Izubro did mention about the fingers being weaker, the longer they are. Explosions guy lets his anger get in the way of his fighting too. "Seriously, dude, I don't want to fight you."

"DIE!" You let him hit you this time. It looked like a stronger than normal explosion too. It went through your chest and you spat out blood on reflex. "You're in trouble now, Blasty." You laughed as everything went black. The last thing you see was the look of horror on Finger's face and Blasty's satisfied look. This motherfucker is a monster. You feel your own soul get blasted out of your body. You had to wait until he pulls his hand off the hole from your body before getting pulled back in. "Shit. Shit. Shit. WHAT DID YOU DO, MAN?"

"He was in my way."

"WHAT THE HELL! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HIM!"

"If you snitch, you're next."

 **"That won't be happening."** Blasty looked back at you already standing up. The hole's filling up with your own skin and your eyes are glowing with murderous intent. Well, you won't actually kill him. Just hurt him really, really badly. **"Ya might wanna run away, Fingers. This is gonna get really motherfuckin' ugly quick."** He did as you told him to.

"So your quirk is resurrection, Chucklefuck?"

 **"What do you want to be."** He seems confused until he gave you his answer. "The Number One Hero."

 **"Really? Bullying someone, killing someone, and threatening someone is totally something a hero does, right?"** This pissed him off. "FUCK YOU!"

 **"Is that all you can say when you know I'm right?"**

"Y-You…" He got straight to the point and rushed you again. This time you teleported out of the way just before he launches a big explosion on you. **"Motherfucker."** You gave him a kick to the face before grabbing him by the neck and slamming him down the fucking ground which created a crater. **"An advice, stay away from Izubro. Don't bully anyone for the matter."**

"F-fuck off. I do whatever I want with him. I'll FUCKING BREAK HIM AND REMIND HIM THAT HE'S FUCKING WORTHLESS. THAT HE'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! UNTIL ALL HE'S DOING IS BEING OBSESSED WITH ME. AFTER I MAKE IT BIG AS A HERO, I'LL BE USING HIM." This is motherfuckin' disturbing. You knocked him out with a stomp to the solar plexus and dumped him in a nearby alley. **"This is gonna be a piece of shit of a year, ain't it?"** You said as you walked back home.

* * *

 **And here's gonna be the rewrite of my old fanfic. I kinda just want to give it another chance though I would be talking this a little bit more seriously than it's OG. From zero percent to one percent for the Shitfic that this will be. Leave a Review, like, subscribe. PEACE!**


	2. I need to say this

**Ya know, I always wanted to make some OC Story but I guess it's not really gonna happen. Not by a long shot. I'm gonna have to discontinue this story along with Funny Matter since this is just it's remake. The Characters I made though? They won't be disappearing anytime soon. In both the my New Main Story and Side Story, they'd be getting both Minor and Major Cameos in some parts of the story. That being said, I love them too much to get rid of them that easily. Of course, they'll be getting their own closure but they won't be the main focus as it's already stated. Except for a certain Dragon who gets retconned into being an actual dragon. Seriously, it's hard for me to do this but I know this story isn't gonna work out for me and it's not fun to write anymore. I hope you guys could understand it but you can get pissed if you want to. I don't like leaving loose ends so I thought I'd just end it with an author's note like this.**

 **That being said,**

 **Artemis and Izuku did end up together with both of them becoming one of the top heroes worldwide.**

 **Carlos and Ibarra became partners as Ibarra becomes the new Symbol of Peace.**

 **Dregan became the first quirkless hero.**

 **Apollo left the hero industry to become a famous reporter well known for reporting only the truth.**

 **Frey became Recovery Girl's heir and is Jolena's fiancee.**

 **Edward became his brother's right hand man and one of the top heroes of Britain.**

 **Angus is enjoying himself in the Valhalla Team.**

 **Becky became a world renowned inventor along with her partner, Mei Hatsume and was responsible for keeping All Might alive with fully functioning artificial organs.**

 **Bakugou, well, he's not as bad as he was. He made peace with Izuku though they agreed to avoid each other.**

 **Todoroki was Japan's Number 1 since Ibarra transcended the rankings.**

 **Eva was now a world famous writer who wrote her adventures with her class while doing her duties as a hero.**

 **Nellia started dating Shinso.**

 **Arnold is Germany's Number 1.**

 **Aaron became Franky Jupiter's heir.**

 **Ginger became known for his hair and shit. I dunno. His partner's Aoyama.**

 **Emma became a chef and a hero and was praised all over the world. She donated tons in Cancer Patients all over the world.**

 **Natalya went back to Russia and became it's greatest champion and managed to save the world from nuclear war. Twice.**

 **Rest in Peace, John, Johnny, and Adam, who bought everyone time during the final battle against the Archon.**

 **Casey still mourn s for Johnny's death but she eventually let go and became one of the Top 10 in Ireland.**

 **Chronos disappeared in his long term retirement until he was found spending time with his son, and his son's fiance.**

 **** **Zech is enjoying his retirement along with All Might and Lancelot. His wife finally rests in peace.**

 **The Class sent Archon towards Outer Space and had gotten the PussyMeister a pardon. Kathlyn deserves another chance, Archon screams as he was banished out the atmosphere. He made his peace but I guess he's done. He killed All For One. He changed the world's view on heroes and other shit like that. He paved way to a new age.**

 **Kathlyn lived a normal life like the Archon wanted her to. She eventually became an author to get her side of the stories. It was a bestseller.**

 **Class 1A of UA got into the Top 20 in Japan.**

 **The League of Villains were pardon'd and sent to rehab based on All Might's request.**

 **Endeavor was outed down in history as the worst hero ever but has managed to reconcile with his wife. Touya never forgave him though.**

 **Everyone got their happy ending.**


End file.
